


They're Gay

by ecoman12



Category: Heathers: The Musical - Murphy & O'Keefe
Genre: F/F, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-24
Updated: 2017-06-24
Packaged: 2018-11-18 08:42:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,929
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11287722
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ecoman12/pseuds/ecoman12
Summary: In the warring world of Westerburg highschool, it's difficult to keep a secret airtight, and Heather McNamara definitely has a secret. Through a series of bumpy events, she forms an unlikely alliance with the school's all-star quarterback, Kurt Kelly, and together they figure out a way to keep both of their secret lives under the wraps.





	They're Gay

Today was bound to be an awful day, as was per usual at Westerburg High. Heather McNamara shut her bright red locker after pulling out the required books for geometry class. She turned to her right and squeaked in surprise. Heather Chandler, her friend since kindergarten, had been standing there the whole time. She had a devilish look playing about her features, just as she always did. “Time to haul ass, Heather. Hair doesn't fluff itself.” 

McNamara groaned. “Oh, God. Heather, can we not do this today?” She adjusted her books and they started walking through the bustling hall. “I mean, you know how much I love it, but at school it's a little risky, isn't it? Last time I swear I saw a freshman peeking into the stall.”

Heather Chandler scoffed. “Who cares if some dweeb sees, no one would believe if they told anyone.”

“It's not about that, Heather, it's just…our private life is private. Rumors can spread, pretty soon it would be more than just some crock of shit story a freshman told.” 

“You worry too much.” Someone bumped into them while walking past. Both Heather’s turned to see a girl, bundled up in a sweater and scarf like it was winter, head in a book. “You watch it, bitch!” Chandler yelled after her.

“Oh, yeah sorry,” the girl said, offhand and not really paying attention. 

“Ho, ho boy.” Chandler’s face twisted into an angry grimace, ready to chew the girl out, but McNamara held her back by the arm. 

“C’mon, Heather, it's not worth it,” she pulled the angry girl along. “You can crucify her later.” 

“Yeah, you're right.” Chandler began walking in long strides again, making McNamara scurry to keep up. “You know her name?” 

“Veronica…something? I don't know but her last name starts with an ‘s’.” They both reached the bathroom door. It had the word ‘woman’ etched into it, with the white shape of a lady above it. The lady was just standing there, carved into the wood, beckoning. People had started to filter off to class, leaving the halls mostly empty. Chandler opened the door and they went into the empty bathroom. McNamara looked around at the familiar teal stalls. It was a terrible color choice, really, but she supposed that didn't matter. She set her geometry books down and took off her coat. She was going to miss geometry, again.

“Whoa, whoa.” Heather Chandler stopped her as McNamara started unbuttoning her blouse. “What are you doing?” 

“Oh, are we not going to--?”

“Let me do it,” Chandler said, walking over to her. She started unbuttoning the blouse, one button by agonizing button, and suddenly, McNamara couldn't have cared less about geometry. All she cared about was Heather Chandler’s hand and how it was dragging its way lazily up her thigh. McNamara took hold of Chandler’s collar and shoved her into a stall and onto the toilet. “Hot damn, babe,” Chandler huffed, uncharacteristically flushed.

McNamara pulled the terribly colored stall door shut and locked the deadbolt. She straddled herself around Chandler’s waist. “You ain't seen nothing yet.”

They had been doing this for the past couple months. Sneaking into the bathrooms during fourth period once a week or so to engage in a series of very inappropriate activities. During those particular fourth periods, McNamara had discovered that, when she wasn't trying to impress anyone, when it was just them, Heather Chandler was a rather pleasant person to talk to. Chandler had discovered that all those years of gymnastics and cheerleading were really starting to pay off for Heather McNamara. They had gone these few months without many problems, but this time would be different. The two Heather’s broke a kiss and Chandler started trailing her lips down McNamara’s neck, and that was when McNamara saw it. The Eye, the Eye that was like a death sentence, the Eye that called her to her own social suicide. She thought she had seen one before, but wasn't sure. Now, there it was, someone’s awful eye staring at them through the small gap between the door and the stall. “Holy shit!” McNamara fell off her perch on Chandler’s lap and onto the floor. The Eye disappeared, along with footsteps and a swinging door, but the darkness of its omen lingered. McNamara’s thoughts raced through her head and swirled around like bees as her heart beat faster and faster. It would take at the most a week for her to be trampled underneath the feet of the preppy kids. Then the geeks and the nerds, the freaks, in no time she'd be pushed to the bottom of the caste system at Westerburg High, and there would be no way to get back up. Once you were on the bottom, you were staked there, your life ruined like a colorful painting with a black, black ink blot. 

Chandler was on the ground next to her now, her hand on her shoulder and fear on her face. That was another one, a new emotion every time. McNamara’s voice was small and she was shaking all over. “You didn't see that?” 

“See, what, Heather?” Fear, hesitance, she was a plethora of new emotions today.

“There was a fucking person looking at us, Heather!” McNamara’s shouts were sudden as she stood up from the floor and they made Chandler jump. Surprise, that morphed into a forced nonchalance. 

“Heather, it's not a big deal, really--” 

“I don't understand you. Miss--Miss queen bee Miss I'm-better-than-everyone-else. I don't understand how you can say that your image is everything but you somehow are willing to risk it all for me.” 

“Heather--”

“No, I'm not worth it, I'm not worth all this trouble.” She exited the stall. She didn't bother to button her blouse, just grabbed her coat and shoved it on, picking up her books. “And, I'm failing geometry.” The door swung shut with a slam.

\--

Kurt Kelly didn't think he had ever seen two girls kissing before, and he honestly never thought he would. The thought made him calm and, for all intensive purposes, pretty horny. It made him especially horny because those two girls had been none other than Heather Chandler and Heather McNamara, boy were they hot sandwiched together in a bathroom stall like that. Kurt stuffed his hands in his pockets and turned a corner in the hall. 

He was out of class because he had “forgotten” his bag in the locker rooms, so he had to go back and get it. In reality, he had purposefully left his bag in the locker rooms and he got a ticket out of class until lunch. He couldn't just walk around the halls, though, Ms. Fleming would catch him. Kurt made his way to the locker rooms, his pants feeling itchy and confining. 

The locker rooms were bright red, and they strained the eyes of anyone who wasn't used to looking at the color. Kurt was, of course, Westerburg was obsessed with the color red. The lockers were that color, the logo, Kurt’s favorite letterman jacket. Also, Kurt’s face the moment he saw Ram Sweeney sitting on a bench. Ram’s head turned from staring at nothing, and his face lit up when he saw Kurt. “Hey, bro! You come here to get out of fourth period too?” 

Kurt sat down next to Ram. “Ha, yeah, bro. Who needs geometry, right?”

“Right.” They sat in a comfortable silence for a moment. Kurt’s confining pants were starting to become unbearable, especially this close to Ram. 

“Hey, Ram, are you here to meet with anybody or something?”

“Naw, I just come here to get out of English.”

“Good.” Kurt vaulted forward, grabbing Ram’s collar and slamming their lips together. At first Ram seized up and it was like kissing a wall, but then he melted, and relief flooded through Kurt’s body, from the top of his head to the end of his fingertips. Ram leaned closer to Kurt, forgetting that he was straight, and kissed him harder. They enjoyed this for awhile, their lips locked blissfully and their arms in fond embrace. Everything around Kurt was bright red. He wanted to see Ram’s face, his eyes cracked open slightly like a door ajar, and a flash of yellow was standing stark against the blood red walls. The yellow disappeared. 

Kurt broke from Ram and gasped for breath, the cold air of the locker room burning his throat. Ram, his eyes lazily opening and his cheeks flushed, mumbled sluggishly, “whatsit?” A headache pounded in Kurt’s head as the overwhelming weight of what would become of this slammed onto his shoulders. That was a person, a person wearing bright yellow, who…? Oh god, Kurt thought to himself, biting his fist, this is some sort of heavenly karma for getting off on seeing the Heathers make out, isn't it. Or maybe it's for kissing Ram? Or maybe it's both! Kurt’s dad had always said gay shit was sure to land you a one way ticket to a jail cell, and he had just done a lot of gay shit.

“Hey, bro, what's the matter?” Ram asked him, genuinely concerned. “Did I not kiss you good?” Would Heather McNamara, the only person in the whole school who wore all bright yellow, Kurt knew, tell people that the quarterback and his linebacker had shared a hot and heavy kiss in the locker room? Kurt wasn't sure. He looked at Ram’s concern and couldn't help but smile. 

“Sorry, I just needed a second to breath, you animal.” Kurt used all his football skill to tackle Ram in another hugging kiss. 

\--

The coach of the cheerleading team had always liked Heather McNamara. She wasn't the best on the team, and she was not a leader, but she had still been made the captain. This bemused Heather, and she thought of this as she walked through the halls, just now filling with students getting out of fourth period, and as she recovered from the exhilarating scene she had just seen in the boys locker room. That was the one thing her coach found mildly annoying in Heather McNamara, she always forgot which locker room was for which gender. The boys’ was near human geography, and the girls’ was near regular geography (coach had created a rhyme to help her remember: “human geography, what an atrocity!”) In her own defense, there were no girls or boys signs on the locker room doors, they just said ‘locker rooms’. Heather’s mind was also unfocused that day, she had felt detached and hadn't cared whether the locker room she had walked into was of the female or male gender, until she saw Kurt Kelly and Ram Sweeney tangled together like two gay pretzels. At first she felt guilty, but now she had shed that and was truly wicked, like a malevolent gossip spirit wandering the halls, and she couldn't pass to the other side until she had fulfilled her life’s purpose and shared the juicy information she now knew. Heather Chandler would make swift work of this--

Oh, right. She had broken up with Heather. She walked through the halls, sad again, and exited the school and onto the field. She sat against a tree, a wind blowing through her blonde hair as she thought back to that bathroom stall. The Eye, the terrible, terrible Eye. It had been blue, but not a light blue like the sky above her, a darker blue that had the connotation of a lake or maybe the ocean. Above it was an eyebrow, biggish, and a slit where the hair didn't grow. Heather thought for a moment, pausing in her grass picking. This was Ohio, so there were a lot of white people with blue eyes, blonde hair, but there was only one person with dark blue eyes and a biggish eyebrow with a slit where the hair didn't grow, and that person was Kurt Kelly. The beer guzzling, sexist, jerk was gay now, and the thought filled Heather McNamara with a plan. She very much regretted dumping Heather Chandler, and now she knew how she could get her back and keep their relationship secret. 

\--

The science lab was a popular place for blackmail. Nobody knew why, maybe because it was easy to burn negatives and dispose of them where nobody would suspect anything. Today, it was Kurt Kelly and Heather McNamara sitting across from each other at a lab bench. It was clear Heather was dominant, she looked like an interrogator ready to shine a blinding light in Kurt’s eyes and yell “I KNOW YOU WERE THE ONE IN THE BATHROOM, ADMIT IT FOUL CRIMINAL SCUM!”

She didn't yell, though, and there were no blinding lights to shine. Instead, she folded her hands on the lab bench like a disappointed CEO. “I know it was you, Kurt.” 

Kurt pulled at his collar, sweating. “I don't know what you mean.” 

Heather ignored Kurt’s statement. She pointed at him with a dangerously manicured fingernail, specifically at his face, the eyebrow with the hairless line slashing through it. “Where'd you get that scar?” 

Kurt unconsciously lifted his hand and rubbed the spot, his hands fidgeting. “Oh, uh, that's actually kind of a funny story. We were at practice on the field and the play had just reset, so I went to pick up the ball, but I guess the punter didn't realize I was gonna start the play so he kicked it while I was bending over to pick it up. Cleats went right up my face, scraaaape, had to get a couple stitches too--”

“Are you aware that you are the only person at this school with that signature scar?” 

“Uhhhhh--” 

“And are you aware that I saw a dark blue eye and an eyebrow with a scar just like that earlier today when I was making out with Heather Chandler in the bathroom stall?” 

Kurt would have usually reveled in how hot that kiss was and how horny it made him, but he decided that was a bad idea, especially since Heather McNamara looked ready to murder him in cold blood. “Uh--ha--yeah that was me…surprise?” 

“What were you doing in the girls’ bathroom!?” 

“I heard something so I went in! So what, I saw you grinding on Heather Chandler, what's the big deal?” 

“The ‘big deal’ is that you are an idiot and I can't trust you with anything, let alone my reputation. Luckily, I saw you kissing Ram Sweeney, so we both have dirt on each other.” 

“I knew that was you!” Kurt yelled. “So we’re even, why do we need to talk about this?” 

“Because I can't know if something like this will happen again! And if I am going to be with Heather and if you're going to be with Ram, we need a distraction.” 

Kurt’s face was blank. “What?” 

“We don't want anyone to suspect anything!” Heather yelled at him, snapping him into focus. She was getting to the end of her patience. “So, here's my plan…”

\--

“Hey, have you heard? Heather McNamara and Kurt Kelly are dating!” 

Martha looked far too excited about what she was saying. Veronica rolled her eyes, which was her way of showing compassion. “Why do you care?” 

“Well, that means that Ram is still available!” 

“Martha, when are you going to realize that you're too good for Ram?” 

“I won't know until I've dated him.”

The hall bustled with students and the usual cacophony of sound. It was a Friday, so mostly everyone was rushing to the last period of the day so they could get it over with. Martha and Veronica walked together, Veronica rebuffing most of Martha’s reasons as to why Ram would be a good boyfriend. Martha didn't seem to mind, though. “I just can't wait, it will be like a fairy tale.”

“I think we could all use your optimistic attitude Martha, the world would be a better place.” 

“Watch it, nerd!” Kurt Kelly emerged from the crowd shoved Veronica into Martha, creating a domino effect with a couple other students until a lot of people were on the floor. Ram guffawed, and without giving a second glance, the two jocks walked off. Veronica glared at them with hot anger that made her eyes feel like they were going to pop out of her head. She was about to turn away to ask Martha if she was all right, when she caught Kurt lacing his fingers with Ram’s as they swaggered away. Veronica’s livid expression turned to quizzical. 

“Are you okay, Veronica?” Martha asked worriedly, helping her up. “He came out of nowhere! Usually there’s more incentive.” 

“Yeah, I'm okay, are you?” Martha nodded and helped Veronica fix her bulky, multicolored scarf. “I have proof now, as if you'd need it, that they're both dicks.”

“It was Kurt who pushed us!”

“And Ram laughed!” 

“Lets just get to history, yeah? Tonight's movie night, and it's your choice.”

“I got The Shining from Blockbuster.”

Martha shivered with fear. “Oh, okay.” 

“Don't worry, you can hide behind my couch pillows if it gets too scary.”

“I'm gonna need those pillows.”

Veronica laughed as they walked into history, but something caught her eye and she paused in the threshold of the door for a moment. She turned to look down the hall and saw two Heathers, McNamara and Chandler. Veronica had always thought they looked like ketchup and mustard, especially when they were close, like now as Heather McNamara pulled an eager looking Chandler into a room. Veronica scoffed and walked into history.


End file.
